Fear

My greatest weakness is fear.

Fear

It pervades everything. It pervades the way I talk, the depth of my breathing, the speed in which I reply to emails, the shallow nature of my sleep, the brightness of the night light with which I sleep.

It pervades my underlying anger, sadness, confusion, doubt.

Fear

It feeds my worry, my anxiety. Fattening it up, fulfilling its very destructive nature.

Fear

It pushes me further and further from the very things I want. It's the grip with which I clench those I love, the nature in which I check my phone messages every few minutes, the frequency of checking my inbox.

Fear

Makes my planner, my inbox, my to-do-list, my loved ones, my job = God

Fear

Takes all that should be in its place, and makes it secondary.

It's fear that pushes me to be the opposite of the person I want to be. It's fear. Fear FEar FEAr FEAR

Only a God can set me free. Because only PERFECT  love drives out fear.

Isn't it interesting, that fear has to be driven out? Like it has to be chased out. As if to say, that wherever it lay, fear is comfortable, at home, made a neat little place for itself.

As if to say, fear is relentless, constantly trying to make its home in relationships, work places, callings, ministries.

But I can't drive it out alone. I'm not meant to shoo it way like some incessant fly.

It must be OVERCOME with love. Perfect love. A love that pervades so deeply that it changes me from the inside out.

A love that grounds me, RESTORES my identity, my belonging, my rest.

RESTORATION

I pray Lord Jesus that you would restore in a way only a God can restore. In the ways fear has stolen, has caused loss beyond repair, I pray that you, the God of abundance would restore beyond compare so that the robbery would no longer reign. 

All I know and All I have ever wanted is to be restored.